This type of statement in a couples' counseling session is a big red flag for me. I need to explore with the couple if they got together for who they were or who they thought they could be.
Why is this distinction important?
A healthy couple gets together based on who they are at that time. They don't commit based on what one or the other "could" become.
In other words, the healthy relationship is founded on now rather than a hope or expectation of change. Trying to change your partner is a recipe for disaster. Even expecting your partner to be or do something different is a problem.
There is an sad old joke that states "Men date and marry women hoping they won't change... and they do; while women marry men hoping they will change... and they don't." Both expectations are unrealistic- we do change in life, just not always the way someone expects or wants us to.
The real challenge and your courageous work is to not be attached to expectations of your partner. You can ask, but you can't demand. Love and respect the person for who they are now, not who you want them to be. And may you find that you are happier in the now.
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