Reading Faces

This is a followup to an earlier post called "Making Faces."

Let me share a story.  Years ago while studying to become a therapist I was observing an after-school group for troubled kids.  As the 4th and 5th graders filed in I noticed a young boy with his lower lip stuck out and immediately thought, "Oh, no, he's going to be trouble."  As I watched the therapist run the group I realized that boy's "resting face" had a pouty lip; he wasn't actually pouting!  Then I wondered, "How many people react to him as if he's got an attitude or pout just because of that lip?"  It was sobering; how tough it must be for that kid!  He must be reacted poorly to and then react badly in return.

Fast forward to today and what you can take away from this little vignette. 

• Do you react immediately to people based solely on their facial expressions and nonverbals? 
• Do you take a moment to check out your assumptions about what they are thinking or feeling? 
• Do you get stuck in your initial reaction about them from their expression?

You may not even realize you are reading all sorts of untrue things into non-verbals like facial expression.  A simple grimace from a headache could be misinterpreted as anger or judgment.  A person who has slightly crossed eyes may be seen as not focusing or paying attention.  Thin lips could be interpreted as prudish or mad.  All surface expressions can be mis-read.

You could be reacting to the face rather than the real warmth that may be inside.  You may be reacting only to a mask that has developed over the years.

Your courageous work is to catch yourself before you react to the surface and explore what is underneath or behind.  Ask what someone is feeling or thinking before making a comment.  Check things out before you jump in; you'll have better interactions!

Click the comment button below 

and tell us your experiences with reading faces!

(no links on comments or they will be deleted)

Don't forget to sign up for my newsletter.