Five reasons for Anger

Boxing anyone?

Are you a person who is often angry?  Do you struggle to let go of angry feelings and thoughts?  Do you brood over slights, mull over perceived insults, or chew on the things that have gone wrong in your life?  Do you get into frequent fights, rage or throw fits?

What makes you hold onto your anger?

Here are five possible reasons you might get stuck in anger:

1. Your anger gives you energy.  The gift of healthy anger (other than letting you know you feel threatened) is that it motivates and gives energy to you.  It helps you get something done.  However, you may push anger further because you are depending on that energy rather than finding it in healthy ways (like self care.)
2. Your anger keeps away other emotions you don't want to feel.  Anger can cover over hurt, deny loneliness, and block guilt.  It keeps at bay feelings you may not want to admit like fear or sadness.  By being angry, you don't have to deal with those uncomfortable, but oh so important parts of life.
3. Your anger is a familiar friend.  Anger is your go-to when things get tough.  It is comfortable and habitual.  It is the way you know to react, and another way may feel weird, uncomfortable, and difficult.
4. You identify yourself as an angry person.  I've heard people in my office say, "That's just the way I am" as if that excused the behaviors.  However, you may be serious- you may identify anger as the way you are.  It is part of your sense of self and you don't know who you'd be without it.
5. Your anger fills you.  If you stop being angry, what else is there?  It might leave a huge empty hole; however, anger is - when held past due - an empty feeling itself.  You may ask yourself, "What will I have when the anger is gone?"  The answer is room for beautiful loving things.

These are reasons you may hold onto your anger for longer than is healthy.  The real courageous work is to challenge these reasons and work yourself around them. 

• Find your energy in multiple healthy places like good sleep, meditation, supportive people.  
• Learn to feel and express the whole range of emotions- none of them are bad.  
• Identify other ways of being and practice them so they are familiar go-tos.  
• Look at who you are separate from your anger and develop yourself more fully.  You are so much more than your anger. If you don't know how you are more, ask those around you.
• Fill your life and self with healthy things so the anger no longer needs to fill you.

And may you have and express anger appropriately and not let it control you.

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