Anger and patience: escape a hundred days of sorrow.

A friend of mine, Jim (@jimsutton5 on Twitter), sent me a quote and suggested it would make a great post.  I thought he was right, so here it is!

If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow. 

- Chinese Epigram

Anger is such an interesting emotion because of the way it is misunderstood and expressed.  Let's look at the myths about anger.

1. Anger is bad.  Nope, anger is just an emotion.  All emotions have a reason and tell us something about ourselves.  Anger is just a response to a threat - in other words it is telling you that you are feeling threatened in some way.  Recognizing threat is a survival trait; those who didn't aren't around anymore.  So, when you are angry the question you should be asking is, "What is happening that I feel threatened?"  That question will allow you to deal with the issue.  Besides, anger also energizes you for action.
2. Anger is always hurtful to others.  Really, it isn't the anger that hurts; it is what you do with your anger.  I know that sounds cliche, but it is true.  You can express you anger without getting nasty, mean, or even hurtful.  Speak from your experience in a respectful and non-judgemental way, and you'll express your anger in a better way.  Hopefully you'll avoid that sorrow. 
3. Anger is good to feel.  Here is the rub, anger is the tell-tale of a problem, but you'll have a bigger problem if you hold your anger and nurse it.  That leads to ulcers, violence, relationship disconnects, and depression.  Stop it.  Feel your anger, deal with it, and move on.
4. Only certain types of people have problems with anger.  I've heard this myth applied to men, women, the elderly, the young, police, criminals,... you name it.  No one group has the monopoly on difficulties with anger.  Anger is a universal emotion and if you aren't taught how to deal with it you have problems.
5. Anger is all in the mind.  All emotions have physiological components - this means physical things can trigger anger.  Research has shown odors, temperature, and pain all can induce anger despite the person's frame of mind.  You need to recognize your triggers (tiredness, stress, the weather, etc.) and take them into account.

What does patience have to do with anger, then?

If you allow yourself a moment of patience when you feel anger you will not react with a knee-jerk response to it.  You take a breath or two, ask yourself about why you are feeling threatened, and you make a choice in how you respond.   Funny thing about choices - you make them all the time.  So, if you choose not to take that breath and use patience, you are choosing to misuse your anger.  Anger never controls you, you let it control you, your choice.


And you are choosing sorrow, ultimately.

Your courageous work is to treat anger as what it is - a signal something needs to be worked on, and then choose to work on it in a constructive way.

Click the comment button below 

and tell us your experiences with anger!

Don't forget to sign up for my newsletter.