Imagination matches reality in your relationship

In the last post I wrote about how your thinking is important.  I looked at how thinking positively or negatively creates that type of world for yourself.  Today let us take that a step further and discuss your mental images- they are truly powerful.

A few years back there was a simple study performed that illustrates the point of today's post.  It involved basketball and three groups of college students (those poor kids, they are always the guinea pigs!)  The researchers had all the students attempt free throws and recorded how many they made.  Then they assigned them randomly to one of 3 groups:

1. For the next month don't do anything differently.  If you can, forget this study until you come back.
2. For the next month practice throwing free throws for a set amount of time each day.
3. For the next month fully imagine yourself throwing the perfect free throw for the same time daily.

The first group barely improved (I think some practiced on the sly due to embarrassment.)  Unsurprisingly, the second group improved- by 24%.  What is amazing is the third group improved 23%!  Statistically they improved as much as the people who actually picked up balls and took shots.  Just by imagining it.

What the study shows is your mind doesn't know the difference between what you imagine and what you are actually doing.  Imagination is as real as reality.  Isn't that weirdly powerful?

What does this have to do with your life? (other than taking free shots.)  You need to understand the images you fill your mind with are your reality.  Let me give you some examples;

• Worry is just a form of visualizing.  The more you worry about negative things, the more you create them in your life.  For example, if you worry about failing, you are mentally practicing failure rather than success.
• Ruminating on regret is mentally practicing something that went wrong.  Again, you are teaching yourself to live in the negative.
• When you want to speak with your partner about something, you can practice it happening positively through visualization.
• If you want to improve your relationships you can visualize it improved and your what your actions are in that improvement.
• Think of the success you can create in your marital connection by using both visualization and practical skills (like those in this blog.)

How does visualization work?  You imagine yourself (from your point of view, not from outside) doing the thing you are visualizing perfectly.  Use all of your senses- what things sound like, look like, feel like, and what you are feeling in your body while doing it.  Get as specific and detailed as you can and stay positive.  Do visualize it as success, not failure or a negative reaction.  In the study they had the visualizers imagine the ball going through the hoop, not bouncing out.

So your courageous work is to stop visualizing the negative.  Worry and regret, are the two banes of positive visualization, and they ruin relationships.  Begin using this powerful tool of visualization to improve your relationship.  Tie your mind and imagination together with the healthy tools you are using and you can build a truly wonderful relationship.  A slam dunk!

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Don't forget to check out ways to make life easier here.