Why do I play this game? Because I'm priming myself to be in a positive mood. By looking for and acknowledging the "pretties" I make my drive pleasant and improve my mood. This is not to say I'm oblivious and hit every pothole in the road or ignore other drivers. I see things that are mundane or not-so-good; I just choose to not dwell on them. I focus on the beauty and have a really nice drive.
You can do the same in your relationship- play the positive game. Focus on what's nice, what is going well, and what is beautiful in your relationship. Be amazed and happy with those things, but be aware of and address what may not be working (just as I drive around the potholes.)
How does this help your relationship? Well, if I were to focus on all the "bad" things on my drive- the red lights I get, the potholes, the unskilled drivers... etc.- I would have a terrible drive. The same happens in your relationship; if you spend all of your time looking at what isn't going well or what hurts or what you don't want, you will dislike your relationship. Spend more time acknowledging the good and then working on the things you want to improve. You'll get to your work with more energy and gumption.
Additionally, what you prime yourself for is what you see. As I decide to do my "game" on my drive I am priming myself to find things to enjoy on the road. When you encourage yourself to notice positives you will be more able to see them. In other words, if you focus on the negative, that is all you will see. If you focus on the positive, happier you will be.
Your courageous work is to play the positive game in your relationship. Look for the good so you can have energy to deal with the changes you want to make (which I am explaining in my newsletter this week.) And enjoy the fun of noticing the nice things around you.
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