What is the real meaning of responsibility?

I recently read The Healing Code by Alexander Loyd, PhD, and in order to get a part of the information promised by the book I had to register on the website.  I found it a little irritating to have to register to get information that was supposed to be part of the book, but that's not what this post is about.

Image from Larry Hehn

What I did get with my registration is the first newsletter written for people who are reading the book.  In the newsletter Dr. Loyd discusses the word "responsibility."  He says people misunderstand what is involved in responsibility.

Curiosity piqued, I went to dictionary.com to test his argument.  The first definition of "responsibility" is "the state or fact of being responsible."  Well, my teachers never accepted a definition that had the word in it, so I dug further by looking up "responsible."  It is defined as "answerable or accountable, as for something within one's power, control, or management."  Now we are getting somewhere! 

I agree with Dr. Loyd; people do misunderstand the definition of responsibility - especially in their relationships.  

• Do you take responsibility to mean being accountable for things that happen, even things that are out of your control?  
• Do you make yourself responsible for others?  For your partner?  Even though they are not "within one's power, control, or management"?

The Latin root of  responsibility is "response" or "to answer or reply, as in words or some action."  When you take "responsibility" you only are accountable for your reaction to things, not for the things that are happening.  Responsibility is about your response - your words and your actions, not your partner's.

You may get tripped up because you think how your partner acts or speaks is your responsibility.  You get embarrassed and mad because you are taking on this accountability that isn't yours.  You then react poorly due to these feelings, screaming, acting controlling, or shutting down.  You are actually only responsible for your poor reactions, nothing else.

What helps you only take responsibility where it is warranted?  Proper boundaries, good self esteem, and healthy communication skills. 

Your courageous work is to take on responsibility only for things (including people) that are yours.  Be responsible only for your actions and words.  Respond in a healthy manner, don't control.

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