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Friday, March 18, 2011

You are always ON in your relationship!

The other day I was rather rudely (and dangerously) cut off in traffic by a work truck.  Plastered all over the side, back, and windows of this truck were the name of the remodeling company.  Want to bet who I won't be calling ever?  Want to bet which company will have a bad taste associated with it for a long time if not forever?  Want to bet who I'll steer others away from if they mention the company?  I may not remember this particular incident, but I'll remember I don't like them much.

As a tourist in Japan I represented the US!
Before you argue the driver's ability has nothing to do with their ability in remodeling, keep this in mind - they were "on."  That person was driving a rolling billboard, but forgot.  I mean, they were representing their company in all they do including their driving.  The message it gives me is I can't trust them to be careful with my remodeling work if they are careless with their driving.  I can't think they'll be polite to me in person if they are rude to me on the road.

So, what does this have to do with your relationship?  Simple, you are "on" at all times; you are a walking billboard for who and how you are.

If you are mean and rude to your employees, what type of person is your partner to think you are?  If you nag and are negative to your friends, what impression are you giving your spouse?  If you talk down about others or belittle them, how will your mate feel when talking to you?  Will he or she worry you are talking down about him/her to your friends?  If you talk about how you "screw" your competitors or customers, will your spouse think you are trustworthy? 

This isn't about how you treat your partner "in the moment"; it is about how you treat your life and those around you all the time.  You represent yourself every minute of your life - your partner sees and takes away impressions on every thing you do.

You can say "it's not fair, I'm nice to my spouse," but if you are nasty elsewhere you'll give your spouse something to worry about.  You can say "I'd never do that to them," but your partner now knows you are capable of such things which means you are capable of doing it to them. 

Your courageous work is to consider your life and relationship as interconnected rather than separate.  There are consequences to everything you do (positive or negative.)  Your actions, words, and attitude all cause impressions - think carefully what impression you want to leave and act accordingly.

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2 COMMENTS:

  1. Just found your blog this morning through a series of links back to mine. Isn't the Internet great!

    Your truck experience is so true. My favorite are the trucks or vans with the sticker on back "How's My Driving? Call 1-800-....). Too often the answer is lousy and dangerous. I have to assume no one ever calls, probably because they don't want to get close enough to get the info.

    You are so right about relationships always being "on." Too often I will find myself turning on the charm and becoming Mr. Sensitive after I have said or done something that clearly upset my spouse. It would be so much easier to simply think before I put myself in that position in the first place.

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  2. Bob,
    Yes, the Internet is a wonderous thing. Even on the web we are "on"- what we write, how we comment, what we "like" all says something about us.
    You are not alone in "turning on" the better side after making a mistake in your relationship. The good thing is you know what that side is and just have to practice it more so it becomes your everyday actions.

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