Animal treatment- how do we stack up? Pretty poorly, actually.

Ghandi once said the true measure of a society is how they treat their animals. ("The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated.")

America spends hundreds of thousands of dollars a year pampering their pets.  From dog toupees and nail polish to medical care, we love our pets and that's good.  But what about  other animals?

Let me share a memory with you.  I was driving in NC near my parents' place and ended up behind a chicken truck.  For those of you who never have seen one, here's what I saw.  Piled ten high and dozens deep were open wire cages with chickens in them, and I don't mean one per cage, I mean shoved in like sardines.  The cages were too short for them to stand, and they were so cramped they didn't look like they were sitting or laying down well either.  The ones on top were lucky because no one was pooping on them, but were they?  They got to ride in the direct wind from the rapidly moving truck.  And did I mention it was pouring?  They were all huddled, barely able to stand, in the cold wind soaking wet.

I ask you, if we transported prisoners that way wouldn't some human rights groups be up in arms screaming to high heaven?  Maybe we could transport kids to school that way?  How about using that for your daily commute?  For that chicken farm, and thousands like it, wet, sick, unhappy and frightened chickens are business as usual.

Ghandi wasn't just talking about pets.

Look, I'm not screaming for you to become vegan or blow up chicken farms.  What I am asking is you be aware of what is going on and how you contribute to it.  There are things you can do.  Make a choice and be responsible- be mindful.

When I saw that truck (which is from a major chicken producer, but I won't name names) all I could think is, "Every time I have chicken I encourage that sort of treatment.  It was very sobering.

Before you argue they are just chickens, spend some time watching them interact.  They love (watch a hen with her brood), defend their loved ones, have petty squabbles and even big fights.  They "chat" with one another and even snuggle.  No, they aren't "perfect" or "beautiful" all the time, but neither are humans.  

Think on this:  "The question is not, 'Can they reason?' nor, 'Can they talk?' but rather, 'Can they suffer?' "  ~Jeremy Bentham

Just because you are good toward your pets doesn't mean you can forget about the other animals in the world.  Ghandi was right; how you treat animals is a reflection of how progressed you are including how you are in all your relationships.

"The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them, that's the essence of inhumanity." ~ George Bernard Shaw  

If you are indifferent to suffering outside your home, you are capable of the same indifference inside your home.  

Your courageous work is to take some time to learn things you can do to help (they aren't hard) and do them.  Then you can look your spouse and your pet in the eye and say "I am truly learning how to care."

Click the comment button below and tell us your thoughts!

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ENDING TOMORROW!

 

Holiday Hint: Open to Optimistic Opportunities

Yesterday you probably celebrated the first major Holiday of the season (unless you count Halloween.)  I hope the real joy suggestions I have shared over the past four weeks helped you cope and enjoy the Holiday. 

Today I continue my gifts of ways to put "real joy" back into the Holidays.  So far we have completed "real" in the anagram REAL JOY.  In a continuation of my out-of-orderness, I'm going to talk about O.

O is for “Optimistic Outlook.”  Create and surround yourself with feelings of optimism and positives.  Spend time with positive people, the people who energize you, and limit the time you spend with those who you find draining.  After yesterday you probably have a better idea who the drainers are. 

Here's the test, if you walk away from a discussion feeling better and positive, the person is an energizer.  If you walk away feeling sucked dry or depressed, they are a drainer.  You can feel tired after spending time with the energizer, but it is a "good" tired rather than a "blah" one.

This may mean limiting time with certain family members, and that's okay, even healthy. 

As you spend time with the optimistic and energizing people you have more energy to do things and enjoy your time.  You also learn new ways to be positive and energized.  

Additionally, remember to enjoy optimistically.  On regular days we forget to enjoy the moment; we do more so in the hectic pace of the Holidays.  Take a break and do fun, playful things.  Kick in the leaves, set up trains, watch geese fly, make snowflakes, create a skit with your kids, use your imagination. 

Remember, the ability to play is a sign of mental wellness.

So your courageous work is to surround and fill yourself with optimism and positive vibes.  It is your choice, you know. 

Click the comment button below and 

tell us about the drainers and energizers in your life!

Don't forget to check out ways to make life easier here.

Holiday Hint: Enjoy Every Emotion

So far in Holiday Hints I have encouraged you to make a family list of the important traditions which becomes your to do list (L).  Then you enlist the aid of your family and others to complete that list (E).  Last week you checked to make sure you are being realistic (R).  Now let us look at the emotions of the holiday and complete the word "real" in our anagram REAL JOY.

A is acknowledge all emotions. Even though it is a time of sacredness and joy, the holidays often bring up grief.  It is perfectly natural to feel sadness even years after a death.  The Holidays are a time of memories, so sadness can come up, and it is okay.

Take time to mourn through a meaningful ritual such as a trip to a grave site, looking at old pictures, or telling stories of a loved one.  You can then return to the Holiday celebrations with good memories.

If someone you know is feeling grief, allow them to do so.  Be careful how you react and don't judge.  It may be years later after the loss; that is alright.  Support them, encourage them to feel the emotion and help them mourn.

You do yourself and your dead loved one a disservice if you deny your real emotions.  Let yourself or others feel them, go through them, and come out the other side.

Also include humor in your Holidays- it may be a sacred time, but it also is a fun time.  Find joy in the season and share it with all you meet.  It's too easy to be grumpy when stressed, so find the candid camera moment and laugh about it.  I have a great story about a live Christmas tree, a fake tree stand, a sawed off coffee can, six bungee cords, and ten landscaping bricks.  It still makes me laugh; there could have been a hidden camera and I wouldn't have been surprised.

All emotions are possible during the Holiday season; don't stuff or ignore any of them.  Anger is a signal something is uncomfortable or threatening to you.  Happiness, contentment and joy are all indicators of things you want to repeat next year.  Sadness and grief show what you have lost and need to mourn.  All these things fit in the Holidays.

Your courageous work is to recognize, respect, and feel all your emotions this Holiday season.

Click the comment button below and tell us about your Holiday emotions!

Don't forget to check out ways to make life easier here.

Holiday Hint: Really? Be Real!

This week's Holiday hint follows making a list and asking for help.  These weekly posts are my gift to you to help put "real joy" back into your Holidays using the anagram REAL JOY.

The R represents the core concept, “Realism”.  I want you to stop your Holiday planning and ask yourself how realistic you are being.  There are three areas you need to check:

1. Time
2. Money
3. Expectations

Time: the actual time for the holiday is a day or a week, be realistic about what can happen in that time. Look at the number of parties you are planning to host or attend and ask yourself how realistic you are being.  This includes the parties your children are going to (because you are responsible to get them there and back unless you ask for help!)  Also look at how many places you can be in a single day.  Even if that day is "the Holiday" you may not be able to visit everyone, so make appropriate plans.

Money: it is so easy to over-spend during the Holidays.  It isn't only gifts that we spend on; look at food, outfits, decorations, cards, stamps, events as well as gifts.  Truly, a single meaningful gift is better than an unwanted expensive one.  Wear the same dress to multiple events.  And if you are asking others to bring food, then you'll save there.  Ask yourself how sensible you are being as you spend.  It may help to keep a list of expenses this Holiday season- before you get the credit card bill!

Expectations: Reality Check!  There is no such thing as a “perfect” holiday; they only happen in the movies or on "Leave it to Beaver."  Don’t expect to have a “perfect” holiday; strive for a good one.  Additionally, don’t attempt to resolve long-standing family issues, that's for another time. Chances are, if you can’t stand a person the other 364 days of the year, you won’t be best buddies on a Holiday.  Reach for civility- work on the issues another time if you chose to.  Don't expect to make everything better on that one day; you'll make yourself, the other person, and those around you miserable.  It's a little like a mermaid trying on shoes.  Lastly, choose to be kind to yourself and those around you- the Holidays are stressful even if they are positive.

What you are trying to do for the Holidays is keep the traditions and memories that are important to you and your family.  When you are unrealistic in your time, money or expectations you move away from those things that are important.   Your courageous work is to be mindful and refocus you and your family on the important parts of the joy of the season.

Click the comment button below and tell us how you stay realistic over the Holidays!

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Should beauty and weight matter?

Ivory Portrait

It seems to be in vogue now to write about beauty as a requirement for survival.  Magazines as disparate as "Psychology Today" and "Harper's Bazaar" have been making what they say are "controversial" or "surprising" statements about beauty and weight.

What are they saying?  Well, they say it matters, and it matters a lot.

Gasp!  Aren't we taught it is what is inside that matters most?  How can this betrayal happen?

If you look at this new "controversial" movement about women and beauty (and most of them write primarily about women- as if looks didn't mean anything for men) what much of it boils down to is species survival.  Like any pundit trying to make a point, they are taking the "we are hard-wired to look to beauty" to an extreme.  The claim is beauty and healthy weight indicate a healthy individual with good genes.  Therefore, that person is more desirable as a mate (to have kids with.)  The healthier the parents the healthier the kids and the better the survival rate.  They claim we are hard-wired for beauty.

I agree, with a "but" thrown in.

Yes, good genes, good nutrition, and good health care support better looks and a healthier individual.  Yes, I see where the eye and brain are initially drawn toward what is seen as useful for species survival. 

Grand Odalisque

BUT, you are more than your hard-wiring.  I think because you are human you don't just act on instinct.  You can chose if you let this programming rule you.  In other words, you can appreciate beauty and know it can mean healthy (but not in passing-out runway models) and you can look for and appreciate more about the person beyond merely their looks.  To me this is true "holistic" or "whole-person" response.

The issue reminds me of the old nature versus nurture debate.  One side claimed we are only influenced by our genes and the other side said it all boils down to our environment and how we are raised/trained.  Turns out both matter and neither has a monopoly.  In today's debate over beauty one side says beauty is the driving hard-wired factor in everything while the other insists you can be uglier than Quasimodo and that's okay.

I say both matter.

What does this mean for your relationship? 

Love and Beauty

• It means it is important to take care of yourself and your looks because your spouse will unconsciously appreciate it due to hard-wiring.  
• It also means on those days when you or your spouse aren't presenting the best, you both can look beyond to see the lovable insides.  
• It means good hygiene and self care mean more chance of a little hanky-panky, but you have to include care of the relationship.
• It means how you act and treat your partner are just as important as how you look.  
• It means you are a whole person in a relationship so address the whole package (body, mind, feelings, spirit, and socializing) to have the best relationship.

 And don't fall into the all-or-nothing camps arguing about beauty and size.  Therein lies madness (or disordered eating, exercise addictions, shopping issues, poor self esteem, and a whole host of other issues.) 

What do you think about beauty?  

Leave a comment using the comment button below.

Don't forget to check out ways to make life easier here.

Holiday Hint: Holler "Help!"

Today's post is gift number two for developing the "real joy" of the Holidays.  Don't forget the anagram REAL JOY is what we are using to understand the skills.  Last week you made a "List" of the important events and traditions.  This week we are looking at "E"- the next step.

E is enlist the aide of others. Rather than doing everything yourself, make preparations a group goal.  When you created your list last week you had the whole family involved.  This week it is time for each person to take on assignments. 

This may be very hard for you if you are used to taking on all the responsibilities.  It requires you ask for help and expect others to do part of the work. 

You also have to let go of being controlling.  When the job belongs to someone else, you can't tell them how to do it.  It means you have to treat them as capable to complete the job they take on.

Making the list with your whole family gives you a leg up on splitting responsibilities.  As you discussed what is important to each family member, you learned who is invested in certain traditions.  They can be in charge of those things. 

• If the kids love the pretty table settings, then they can set the table.
• If your spouse likes the decorated mantle, then they can decorate the mantle.
• If you love getting and sending Holiday cards, then you can do that.
• Whatever part of the feast someone likes and requests, they can be in charge of that food.  If Aunt Irma really loves the cranberry dressing, give her the recipe and ask her to bring it.  
• Actually, have everyone bring a dish for dinner if you are hosting.  Provide the main dishes and the rest are brought by others.
• Ask family members to address envelopes, shop for groceries, or decorate the house. 
• If you are having a huge party you might hire help.  Bring in cleaners or caterers for larger events.

You may also find when you made your important traditions lists that doing some things together is a priority.  Decorating the tree together was always special in my family.  We still do it every year, and no one is left doing it all alone.  Some of your traditions may be a group task building togetherness.

Your courageous work this week is to ask for help with the list you made.  Holler for help if you need to.  Don't take it all on yourself and let others be involved so they can share in the success of it all getting done.  Success helps with real joy as does doing things together.

Click the comment button below and tell us your experiences 

with asking for help at the Holidays!

Don't forget to check out ways to make life easier here.

Novel writing, headaches, and perseverance.

Yep, I did it again; I signed up for National Novel Writing Month.  For those who are unfamiliar with the insanity known as Nanowrimo, in the month of November you challenge yourself to write 50,000 words of a novel.

It's not about completeness- few novels are that short.  It's not about perfection- if you stop to edit everything you'll never get to 50,000 words.  It's not about pretty - there will be lots of crying, denying, and lying during this whole month.

It is about writing 50,000 new words (novel words.)  It is about setting your mind on a goal and pushing yourself toward it come Hades or the flood.  It is about perseverance that will hopefully rub off and keep your rolling through the next months of completing the project and then the long days of editing.

What does it have to do with relationships?  Well, I could be blunt and share when I'm pushing to write that much I'm not very relational. :)  Or that people who haven't showered for days due to frenzied writing are not going to have their relationships very long.  Or that when you write a novel about your friends and don't change the names to protect the innocent it isn't very relational.

Really, it is about the perseverance.  Relationships take perseverance.  They aren't about completeness because they are always changing (you are always changing!)  They aren't about perfection - there is no such thing, especially in a relationship.  And they aren't always pretty - there is crying, denying, and lying galore.

However, if you persevere, if you do the skills even when they seem like they aren't working, if you keep yourself on the healthy side of the line - you can come out with something really beautiful.  Even if it is a work in progress.

Your courageous work is to persevere.  Keep using the skills, keep being/acting/thinking healthy even if you aren't doing it perfectly.  Challenge yourself to do something differently and better.  Push yourself to achieve and realize you'll always be editing.  That's okay.

Click the comment button below and share!

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