Should beauty and weight matter?

Ivory Portrait

It seems to be in vogue now to write about beauty as a requirement for survival.  Magazines as disparate as "Psychology Today" and "Harper's Bazaar" have been making what they say are "controversial" or "surprising" statements about beauty and weight.

What are they saying?  Well, they say it matters, and it matters a lot.

Gasp!  Aren't we taught it is what is inside that matters most?  How can this betrayal happen?

If you look at this new "controversial" movement about women and beauty (and most of them write primarily about women- as if looks didn't mean anything for men) what much of it boils down to is species survival.  Like any pundit trying to make a point, they are taking the "we are hard-wired to look to beauty" to an extreme.  The claim is beauty and healthy weight indicate a healthy individual with good genes.  Therefore, that person is more desirable as a mate (to have kids with.)  The healthier the parents the healthier the kids and the better the survival rate.  They claim we are hard-wired for beauty.

I agree, with a "but" thrown in.

Yes, good genes, good nutrition, and good health care support better looks and a healthier individual.  Yes, I see where the eye and brain are initially drawn toward what is seen as useful for species survival. 

Grand Odalisque

BUT, you are more than your hard-wiring.  I think because you are human you don't just act on instinct.  You can chose if you let this programming rule you.  In other words, you can appreciate beauty and know it can mean healthy (but not in passing-out runway models) and you can look for and appreciate more about the person beyond merely their looks.  To me this is true "holistic" or "whole-person" response.

The issue reminds me of the old nature versus nurture debate.  One side claimed we are only influenced by our genes and the other side said it all boils down to our environment and how we are raised/trained.  Turns out both matter and neither has a monopoly.  In today's debate over beauty one side says beauty is the driving hard-wired factor in everything while the other insists you can be uglier than Quasimodo and that's okay.

I say both matter.

What does this mean for your relationship? 

Love and Beauty

• It means it is important to take care of yourself and your looks because your spouse will unconsciously appreciate it due to hard-wiring.  
• It also means on those days when you or your spouse aren't presenting the best, you both can look beyond to see the lovable insides.  
• It means good hygiene and self care mean more chance of a little hanky-panky, but you have to include care of the relationship.
• It means how you act and treat your partner are just as important as how you look.  
• It means you are a whole person in a relationship so address the whole package (body, mind, feelings, spirit, and socializing) to have the best relationship.

 And don't fall into the all-or-nothing camps arguing about beauty and size.  Therein lies madness (or disordered eating, exercise addictions, shopping issues, poor self esteem, and a whole host of other issues.) 

What do you think about beauty?  

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