Headaches, Relationships and Misunderstandings

No, this is not a post about how people use headaches as an excuse not to be intimate despite the comical overuse of that plot point.

This is a post about headaches- mine in particular- and what they can teach you about your relationship.

Props to my helmet!

Okay, short history- I never had headaches until about 6 years ago when I was struck off my moving motorcycle by an even bigger Hummer changing lanes into me.  Needless to say I got rattled around quite a bit on a road with a 55 mph speed limit and I ended up with a head injury to my frontal cortex.  Luckily I was wearing a full face helmet or facial reconstruction would have been happening!

Anyhow, what does this have to do with anything?  Well, starting that day I had tremendous headaches - headaches that put me to my knees, headaches that made it almost impossible to concentrate, headaches that caused me to be tired, irritable, and depressed.  Me, the person who never had headaches before now had migraines! 

What I found interesting was the response I got to my headaches.  No one seemed to care.  They usually minimized- "It's post concussion syndrome, it will go away" (my neurologist) or "Everyone gets headaches you'll deal," (most people who got 'average' headaches, not head splitting dragons!) or "No one cares if you have headaches" (my lawyer and the insurance company.)

So today I sit with a headache and wonder what it all means.  Isn't life supposed to happen for a reason?

Here's what I take away from it for relationships:

1. Only you can know what level of pain you are in.  No one can compare or ever fully understand.  Something that is small in one relationship may be huge in another- neither is wrong or right. 
2. You have to deal, but you can learn from others (my neurologist may not have understood, but the PT he finally sent me to helped me learn ways to decrease my pain a little.)  Get help to understand how to heal hurtful things in your relationship and go to multiple sources like books, articles, groups, and professionals.
3. Nothing every happens the way you think it should, and you'll have to deal with that, too.  (Legal action didn't even cover my out of pocket expenses- seemed no one really does care if you are damaged for life, only if it is grotesque- lose and eye or something.)  There is no one right way to deal with your relationship, only healthier ways.  I suggest choosing healthy changes and don't get stuck on there being "the way."

 So, your courageous work is to challenge the assumptions that things should be a certain way (including people understanding you) and deal with the world and your relationship the way it is now.  And do it in a healthy way.

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