Loving memories or living in the past?

Watch out when looking through
your old yearbooks!

The other day I was helping my mother clean out some old boxes.  In one she found a Valentine's card given to me by my high school sweetheart.  And when I say sweetheart, I mean head-over-heels in love with him (even before he really even noticed me.)  It was a very sweet and encompassing first love, and I was devestated when it ended.  The valentine was a poignant reminder of something wonderful. 

However, I'm not going to make the mistake many people make.  I'm not going to go contact that young man to "catch up."  You see, I know that part of my life is passed.  It was fantastic, the relationship was great at the time, but I don't feel any need to recreate it.

Why do I say it would be a mistake to contact him?  Couldn't we just be friends?  Maybe, but very unlikely.

You see, when you are an adolescent, your body is a boiling mass of hormones.  It is part of human development; those hormones are helping you grow (and making you a devil for your parents!)  Because the high hormones are in your system, your feelings are often more intense - making your relationships intense.  All those feelings get stored along with your memories of the time. 

In other words, if and when you dig up those memories by meeting someone you once loved as a teen, you fall into the feeling memories rather than the truth of now.  You may be a different person, but those memory feelings come rushing back and are very confusing.  It is difficult to be "just friends" now because of how you felt then.

This is why you may stumble with social media.  Facebook, Twitter, Myspace and all the ways you can connect or reconnect can become a minefield.  You can find your old friends, but you can also fall into "remembered love" with someone from your past.

Needless to say, this can be a problem for your relationship of the now.  No current relationship can stand up to the rose-coloring you've given those from your past, and the day to day of your current feelings will seem bland compared to your teen angst driven emotions.  You may be even tempted into infidelity. 

That is why I say I'm not going to contact that guy I used to moon over and then date all those years ago.  I know what I have now is good, and I appreciate it.  If it weren't good I'd rather create something real and intimate in the now (by working on what I have) than live in the past. 

So, your courageous work is to stop comparing what you have now with what you used to feel as a teen.  Let yourself feel things now and work on what you have to make it the best it can be. 

I'd love to hear from you; have you ever been bit by the memory of past love? 

Have you, or do you know someone who contacted a past love, and how did it go? 

Click the comment button below and tell us about it!
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