Two important questions. Understanding your shield and how to use it.

You carry with you at all times a shield.  No, not one like the huge one in the drawing of Shaka, king of the Zulu.  Your shield is invisible, but even more protective.

This shield is your personal boundary.  It protects you and you chose what to let in and what to keep out.  I imagine it as a teflon shield I hold- things go "Splat!" against it and fall to the ground without sticking.  Even better is if you can imagine your shield having a little trampoline fiber in it that allows things to bounce back away from you. 

I know it is childish, but all I can think of is the rhyme "I'm rubber and you are glue.  What you say bounces off me and sticks to you." :)   There is a grain of truth in this ditty, though.  If something isn't yours then you should return it (emotionally and cognitively) to the person who owns it. 

What things do you chose to keep or bounce?  Here's a short list: emotions, thoughts, beliefs, interpretations, labels, ideas, goals, intensity, words, etc.  Anything about what you think, believe, feel and have as your being.

So, back to the shield.  You can open it and let things in or keep it closed and let things bounce off.  Again, this is your choice. 

How do you chose what to take in and what to bounce?

You ask yourself two questions:

1. Is it about me?
2. Is it true for me?

If either answer is "No" you bounce back off your teflon shield.  If the answer to both is "Yes" then you let it in and respond to it. 

Note the second question asks if it is true for you, not the other person.  That is the real question.

So, your courageous work is to ask yourself the two questions and make a choice.  As you build healthy boundaries, you will form healthier relationships and have a better life overall.

Do you have problems or struggle with you boundaries?  Are you really good with your boundaries?  DO you see others have trouble with them?  Talk about it in the comments.

Click the comment button below and tell us what you think about the questions!

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