Frustration is an indication I've lost my boundaries. If I get mad and drive angrily then I've really lost them! I am in an unhealthy state, and in the case of driving, probably unsafe too.
What do I mean by losing boundaries?
When you don't use your boundaries, you have lost them.
So when the person cuts me off in traffic I have a choice- do I let it affect me or not. I ask the two questions, and they are both "No". If I am being healthy I then don't let the other person's action or attitude in, I don't get upset, and I drive along safely. In one of my unhealthy moments I forget, let it in, probably get mad, and I could act stupidly.
What does this have to do with your relationship?
When your partner is sharing with you or when they are upset your boundary needs to be functioning. You have to chose to use it. You filter and then have feelings about and respond to only the things you let in. The rest belongs outside and is most likely about your partner.
This doesn't mean you say to your partner, "That's all your stuff, I don't care about it" because you are really saying "I don't care about you." Even if it is about your partner and not true for you don't ignore it. Help your partner come up with a request that will heal the hurt and reconnect you two.
Your courageous work and this week's relationship resolution is to practice your boundaries. Review the post on the question of boundaries. Spend time visualizing and thinking about the concept so it becomes habit. Healthy boundaries create healthy relationships.
Click the comment button below and tell us how you use boundaries!
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