The BIGGEST Mistake You Make when Listening to Your Partner

Listening is a skill.  Unfortunately, it is a skill few have.

Even those who have the knack of listening often make a big mistake... they don't understand correctly.  I usually see men making this mistake, but women aren't exempt.

What do I mean they don't understand?

Well, when you listen you often focus on the bottom line -  what it is you need to do.  You jump immediately to the request the speaker makes (if the speaker is communicating correctly.)  You even agree to the request and offer to do more.  Aren't you  confused and upset when your spouse still isn't happy?

And they shouldn't be happy because they are truly unheard.

Why?  Because you didn't express your understanding of the speaker.  You grasped the request, but you did not get where the speaker is at.  You left out the step of paraphrasing to express understanding.

Believe me, showing you comprehend the speaker is more important than agreeing to the request.

For those who are focused on solution - the first step in any answer is to understand the person talking to you.  We say this about customers; learn what they are feeling and you can offer them what they want or need.  The same holds true with your spouse or partner.  You need to value where they are coming from before you try to fix anything.

Your courageous work is to listen to understand the speaker, not just the bottom line.  Make sure you express to your partner or spouse that you heard them and how you understood them.  Don't jump immediately to solution; focus on their feelings and interpretations first.

You'll be a much better listener, and your partner will truly feel heard.

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