Stop negating, start appreciating

When your partner does something you asked, do you negate it?

Negating sounds like this:

• "He only did that because I asked."
• "It really wasn't too hard to do that."
• "She should do it more often."
• "It wasn't heartfelt."
• "He didn't really mean it."
• "It wasn't done right."

You may tell your partner how they did it wrong and what they need to do to "improve" their actions.  You may minimize the work they are doing.  You may not even recognize they did it.

How often do you think your spouse will repeat the behavior?

I'll take a bet with you they'll stop any behavior which garners such negative responses.  Heck, I'd stop doing something for my husband if he didn't even appreciate it.

So your courageous work, and this week's relationship resolution, is to recognize when your spouse is doing work.  Recognize it aloud with feeling.  Make sure they know that you know they did it.  And that you appreciate it.  Refrain from suggestions for improvement, comments on how easy it was, or a complaint that they should have done it earlier.  Just appreciate it.

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Picture, mine: so happy the butterflies are back!