I was struck. How sad Alex died without knowing how many people liked and appreciated him. In fact, he killed himself because he felt most people hated or didn't care about him.
Why is it people can say mean things, but they choke on being nice and appreciating others? Why are the bullies winning? What can you do about it?
I think one real way to combat bullying is to create a culture of caring. Tell people often how much you appreciate them, that you like them, that they have a great smile. Reinforce in the people around you how much they are worth and how much they mean to you and the world.
Think on this: what do you remember more, the negative comment or the positive? Most people get stuck in the negative one, and easily forget or negate the positives.
That makes it so important to regularly reinforce the positives. Overwhelm the negatives using positives. Compliment people regularly, even those you barely know. If I see someone with a nice smile, I tell them they have one. If I love a color someone is wearing, I tell them it's a great color. If someone has a nice voice, I mention it. I may never see that person ever again, but I make it a point to reach out.
Can you?
Your courageous work is to create a culture of caring, not a culture of meanness. Find reasons and ways to be positive to people. Make it a point to give compliments and accept them.
Maybe there will be less losses to bullying.
Don't forget...
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Comments appreciated and replied to!
If you want to read the AP article about Alex, go here.
Kim, It is 'courageous' work in the most literal sense. Courage comes from the root word in french coeur meaning heart. What if we lived our days focused on being more caring, more heart centered? As you pointed out, it can be easy to notice what pleases us about another, and let them know. Earlier this week I heard an interview with John Holland, a well known and respected medium, who communicates with people who have crossed over.One does not have to believe in what he does to follow his advice. He said that people come to hear him speak because of his gift ... and are surprised when he exhorts them to communicate NOW- to tell people how much we care and to mend as many connections as possible...while we are all still here.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your timely concern.
I work with children and adolescents and bullying has become such a HUGE problem. There have been more and more suicides as a result of people bullying children who already struggle with mental health issues. Some of the schools I have worked at have created peer mediation programs to counteract this phenomenon. It seems to be more effective when the message comes from peers rather than adults. I think you have a great idea of creating a culture of caring! We all need a little more positivity in our lives.
ReplyDeleteVery timely post. When a person creates a learning opportunity (makes a mistake) we sometimes overlook the opportunity part of it. We focus on the extra work and jump on them.
ReplyDeleteI also think we should stop watching news. I interact with 20 nice people during the day and turn on the news and they drudge through 10000 to find the worst and parade them across the news. That teaches us to focus on the negative in situations and people.
Jim
A broken keyboard walks into a bar and says, "Can someone call AAA, I lost my keys" #pun
I feel so fortunate that my kids are out of this phase of childhood. Raising kids is hard enough without the outside trying to crush them 24/7.
ReplyDeleteI hope that we are all talking to our kids about the reality of bullying. They are never too young or too old. And lets take a look at our own behaviors and remember that gossip at the office/parties/on the tele is as bad as schoolyard or online bullying.
lets set the example with our own words.
Wow, folks, what great comments.
ReplyDeleteNancy, I love the fact that courage "comes from the heart!"
Jessie, lots of strength to you in your work. You are right, though, peers need to step up too.
Jim, I am on a permanent news holiday and it feels great (and my world hasn't ended.)
Indrani, you are sooooo right, our kids learn what we model. May we be modeling healthy, caring, and centered behaviors.