Integrity isn't important; it is imperative!

I have been thinking about integrity recently.  It seems I'm hearing more and more about affairs.  Haven't we all?  Obviously, in my line of work I regularly meet people who are having affairs, and they all seem to have the same explanations.

• "It just happened"
• "I wasn't looking for someone."
• "My marriage was dead already."

They are just excuses, folks.  Really.

You have urges and impulses all day that you don't act on.  That wish to scream curses out loud at work, the urge to tell your boss off, the impulse to drive to the airport and fly to Tahiti (meet you there Mom!), that pair of shoes you didn't buy because they were too expensive, and the list goes on.

Just because you are attracted to someone doesn't mean you have to act on those feelings.

This is a message that has been forgotten in the current "I should have whatever I want" day and age.  There is a sense of entitlement that has snuck into our definition of relationships.  Somehow people have developed the belief that if they aren't happy, they should make themselves happy no matter what.

I agree if you are unhappy in your relationship, you should do something about it, and I strongly encourage you to do it with integrity.

Integrity means being truthful, having honor, and acting in an upright manner.  It means you don't have to hang your head over your behaviors.

I have a client who is going through a divorce, and he keeps saying to me his goal is to make it through with "DIP" = Dignity, Integrity, and Pride.  That is how you need to act if you find yourself unhappy in your relationship or find yourself strongly attracted to another person.  Live with DIP.

Grab a hold of your integrity and be honest with your partner.  Tell him/her you are unhappy, come together to heal the situation, or decide together if things aren't going to work out.  Really do the work and earn your way in or out of the relationship before you make any moves toward another one.  Be worthy of yourself and a healthy relationship.  If you feel you can't work on the relationship, then have the integrity to leave it before starting another one.

Lastly, people often make the mistake of thinking they had no choice in falling in love.  Lisa Merlo-Booth wrote a great post on protecting your relationship from affairs.  I suggest you read it.

Your courageous work is to be honest about things in your relationship (with yourself and your partner.)  Have integrity in all areas of your life, especially your relationship.  Own up to your feelings and determine how to work on yourself and the relationship.  Live with DIP.

Integrity isn't important, it is imperative!

Another Awesomely Amazing Alliteration for relationships, go here to suggest other ones.

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Comments appreciated and replied to!

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