Relationship Resolution #6- Be Curious rather than Confrontive

This week's resolution was the topic de jour yesterday in my office.  I mentioned it to at least four different clients; therefore, it is this week's relationship resolution.

 What is is?



In all interactions focus on a sense of curiosity rather than an air of confrontation.

Do you find yourself slipping into listening for "mistakes" when someone is talking?  You tally those mistakes up and when they are done, you pounce on their argument, ripping it to shreds!  Or, you ask questions like, "Why in the world did you do that?" or "How could you think that?"  Or your tone implies they are wrong, stupid, or just plain confused.  Or your mind insists you are right and they are wrong even if you don' t say it.  Or your partner accuses you of having a judgmental attitude?

I could go on, but I hope you get the picture.

We learn from an early age (especially men) to compete with others, to defend what is "right" (in our eyes) and to come out on top.  Tell me this isn't so!

The problem is, a competitive attitude kills relationships.

What you need to do is replace it with a sense of curiosity.  How?

• When your partner is talking, listen and try to understand (not see if they are "right".) 
• If you don't understand something, ask about it (not fight about it.)
• Remember this is their reality, and you don't have to agree, just respect it belongs to them.
• Avoid "why" questions (they come across as judgmental.)  Rephrase it.
• Forget who is right or wrong and focus on connecting.
• Use a tone of question rather than censure.

In other words, act like the stereotyped cat- curious and courageous.

If you work on these suggestions for this week's courageous work, I'll bet your partner will notice.

Try it and let me know!

Don't forget to share ideas with me via email (found on my profile).

Comments appreciated and replied to!