How do you play with your partner?

Back in the 1930s psychologists noticed children go through a series of stages in how they play.  Each style remains an option as the next develops  Here are four in the order they are developed:

1. Solitary play - the child plays all alone
2. Parallel play- where the child plays alongside but not with another one
3. Associative play- children playing and sharing together
4. Cooperative play- children with different complementary roles and a shared purpose

Why am I talking about this in a relationship blog?



Because all four are good types of play (also known as interaction), but too many couples get stuck in one.  You need to have all four types in your time with your partner.

What do I mean?

• How often do you spend time doing separate things with small attention to each other?
• How often do you share a purpose and fun?
• How often do you have your own time to enjoy things?
• How often do you share your fun and enjoyment?
• How often do you use your skills and strengths to compliment each other?

If you usually do only one or two of these things, then you have a very flat relationship.  The flatter your relationship, the less you enjoy it.  The more well rounded your interactions, the happier you both are.

In other words, there is a place in your relationship for each of the types of play; they each have their roles.

Your courageous work is to take a good long look at how you spend time with your partner and balance it.  Do you utilize mostly one type of interaction?  Are you totally missing one form?  How can you make sure you spend time using all four types of interaction? 

How do you play with your partner?  Please let us know in the comments!

Don't forget to share ideas with me via email (found on my profile).

Comments appreciated and replied to!

Original lego image from here.  I love legos!