Don't be a Hypocrite

I recently spent some time with a friend of mine in FL and there was much people watching to be had. We got to discussing what was attractive and sexy, and I commented on how difficult it can be to not be the size or shape most men consider sexy. He said to me (politely) "You are attractive."

I laughed and told him he was a hypocrite.

He was surprised, so I explained.
You see in the three days we had been in FL, he had not once pointed at someone built like me and said they were sexy or even attractive.

(Before you think I'm putting myself down, I like myself and my body. I'd like to be in my BMI, and I'm doing healthy stuff to get there, but I do like me.)

The actual point is-words and actions have to fit. He couldn't say he finds my shape and size attractive if he's not responding to it on other people. I know he was being polite, and since he knows me as a person he finds my personality attractive, but his actions and words were not congruent.

What does this have to do with relationships? Plenty.

-You can't say "I like you the way you are" and then point out all the things they do wrong.
-You can't tell you daughter "Looks don't matter" and then talk about how you need to lose weight, point out unattractive people and make comments, or comment on how people are dressed.
-You can't tell your child to do their best, and then criticize them for grades that aren't an A.
-You can't tell your partner you find them attractive, but not act like you do.

It isn't in the big things, it is in the small things you are most likely to break down- little comments, attitudes, nonverbal behaviors. Like my friend who only responded to the "typical" sexy girl and then tried to say I was attractive (which I really am, but not by his often expressed standards.)

What you must do is make sure you actions and words match. This is not a game of "do what I say, not what I do." That is hypocrisy.

Your courageous work is to carefully watch what you say and do to make sure they truly match. Ask yourself before you make a comment or statement "Does this really reflect how I act?" If it doesn't and you want it to, then edit your actions. If the comment doesn't match how you act, and you don't want to change, then don't say it.

"Hypocrisy" is based on a Greek word that means "play acting." So take off the mask and stop playing at what you say; really do what you say.