I won again! You can too in your relationship.

Well, I've completed the NaNo challenge this year and won. And I did it a day early which is nice to say.

For those of you who didn't read my previous post about NaNo, it is a one month challenge to write a 50,000 word novel. You start writing on the first day and have to be done with 50K by the end of the 30th. There are no prizes, except for the cool picture here on this post and a certificate to print out, but it isn't about prizes. It is meant to be a motivating challenge.

Now that I'm done I've given some thought to what I learned this year, and I have some remarks about relationships. (When don't I?)

1. My first lesson,

You can't be two things-- the black hole.

A friend of mine commented on his co-workers yesterday. "I can't believe they are in relationships or have spouses at all. They are so mean!" We started to talk about how some people are mean at work while they are nice at home, and it got me thinking seriously about how wrong that really is.

Wrong? How?

Well, truthfully, you can't earn back points for your mean-ness at work by being nice elsewhere. Even if you manage to keep them separate (and I have yet to see someone really able to not have it spill over) you are still killing yourself each time you are an s.o.b. at work.

How?

What does the author of the Book of 5 Rings have to do with relationships?

Today I was working on my NaNo book, and I stumbled across an interesting set of precepts called the Dokkodo ("The Path of Aloneness" or "The Way to be Followed Alone.") Written by Miyamoto Musashi a week before he died in 1645, it was a culmination of his life's learning. Most will recognize Miyamoto Musashi as the author of the Book of the Five Rings, a classic treatise on military strategy.

Why would I read about military strategy and think of relationships? Other than the fact most things make me think of relationships, many of the precepts in Dokkodo relate to healthy relationships.

Consider the following

A nod to the 13th- seven relationship superstitions

Human beings hold fanciful untruths to be true all too often. Take today, for example; it's just another day, but it has gained the stigma of being unlucky.

Just for fun, let's look at some of the superstitions people hold about relationships!

1. If a relationship takes work, it's not right.
Like the "walk under a ladder" fear, this relationship rumor has some basis in truth. (Didn't think I'd say that, did you?) You see, when you walk under a ladder you have to be aware of your surroundings and watch that something doesn't fall on you- it's just common sense, not luck.

Really putting your mind to it- lessons of NaNo

So, for another year I took on the insane challenge that is NaNo, aka National Novel Writing Month. Myself and 100,000 other people will spend the month of November writing novels of at least 50,000 words. We'll lose sleep, cry, rant at our computers, share suggestions, and spend allot of time wishing we didn't decide to do this.

But, it's a great amount of fun!

Why mention it?

I committed to doing this, and I am only accountable to myself for finishing it or not. There is no prize, there is no celebration (well, there are parties held by NaNoers at the end), and there is no reason to finish except I decided to do it. (And, darn it, I'm behind on my word count!)

You see, you can treat relational skills like NaNo.

Hopelessness- birdie vs. statue

Today I was talking with a gentleman on the boardwalk about how hopelessness is a destroyer. Unfortunately, we've recently seen on the news how someone who is hopeless can tear up other people's lives, too.

I'd like to write a little about hopelessness and it's opposite, hope, of course.

You see hopelessness comes from forgetting you have options.

Don't have the words to describe it.

I just returned from a week long training and an extended weekend vacation afterward. I missed writing on the blog, but I learned tons and truly enjoyed the vacation.

Where did I go? Arizona.

I decided to extend my time there in order to visit the Grand Canyon and Sedona. It was a fantastic decision. The vacation time was truly amazing.

It brings up the topic of this post- what do you do when you want to say something, but you just don't know the words to use?

You see, I can't think of the words to describe the Canyon- it was just too much to take in and then wrap verbal ideas around.

There are many people out there who struggle with this in their relationships. I imagine many of those people are guys (but I know there are a few ladies, too.) They have feelings, ideas, and goals they don't know how to share.

Unfortunately, they end up not saying anything in fear they'll say something wrong. That's the worst thing they can do.