Intrinsic worth- a valuable part of any relationship

The way you feel about yourself, self esteem, is important to how you perceive the world and interact with others. It seriously affects your relationships, too. Sadly, too many people in this world suffer from unhealthy self esteem.

There are two forms of unhealthy self esteem.
Poor self esteem is the prediction of failure, the feeling of not being good enough, of never being good enough. It is draining and painful, but oh so familiar to many people. However, another damaging form of self esteem, grandiosity, is not recognized as a problem. This is when you feel better than others- bigger, badder, better.

Both forms of unhealthy self esteem can lead to physical, emotional and social problems. When you feel less than, you act in ways that create distance from others. You feel terribly emotionally, and you may create physical problems from the stress this shame causes you. On the other hand, feeling better than others pushes them away. You don't see or recognize how your behaviors affect others negatively. You don't feel the whole range of emotional experiences, and you may act risky in your life leading to physical problems.

Healthy self esteem acknowledges each of us has the same intrinsic worth, but not because of what we do, what we own, or who we know. A way to conceptualize healthy self esteem is to think of what an EMT does. In an emergency, the EMT helps someone because that person is worth helping, despite factors like net worth, history, behaviors, or career.

When you have a good healthy sense of self, no better no worse, you create rewarding and intimate relationships with ease. Part of the reason is you refuse to interact for any length of time with people who are regularly better than or less than. You choose healthier relationships.

The good news is healthy self esteem can be built. Consider these tips:
1. Practice the mantra of healthy self esteem; “I am enough and I matter.”
2. Connect with people who realistically encourage you.
3. Avoid teasing, name calling, or put-downs of yourself or others. No sarcasm.
4. Keep in mind strengths and qualities that make you unique and be humble about them.
5. Find a sense of purpose to develop meaningfulness in life.
6. Experience and share fun and humor every day.

Your courageous work is to begin building healthy self esteem. Catch yourself going up or down- worse than or better than and return to the middle. Be aware of other people's worth being the same as yours. Put the six tips into practice daily, and expect no less than the same from those around you. By following these suggestions you can develop real self esteem, a more fulfilling life, and great relationships.