What does the author of the Book of 5 Rings have to do with relationships?

Today I was working on my NaNo book, and I stumbled across an interesting set of precepts called the Dokkodo ("The Path of Aloneness" or "The Way to be Followed Alone.") Written by Miyamoto Musashi a week before he died in 1645, it was a culmination of his life's learning. Most will recognize Miyamoto Musashi as the author of the Book of the Five Rings, a classic treatise on military strategy.

Why would I read about military strategy and think of relationships? Other than the fact most things make me think of relationships, many of the precepts in Dokkodo relate to healthy relationships.

Consider the following
(numbers indicate where they are in his list):
3. Do not, under any circumstances, depend on a partial feeling.
4. Think lightly of yourself and deeply of the world.
5. Be detached from desire your whole life long.
6. Do not regret what you have done.
8. Never let yourself be saddened by a separation.
9. Resentment and complaint are appropriate neither for oneself nor others.
15. Do not act following customary beliefs.

Let me comment on each one....

3. Do not, under any circumstances, depend on a partial feeling.
In relationships, take time to think a feeling through. I've always told clients to use the 24 hour rule before responding to something so they can experience the full feeling and think it through.

4. Think lightly of yourself and deeply of the world.
When you get too tied up in yourself, you lose track of how you fit within the world around you, and in relationships specifically. You also lose sight of how your partner is feeling- the thing to be cognizant of.

5. Be detached from desire your whole life long.
To me, this epitomizes the idea of detachement from outcome. You make requests, but you can't force compliance.

6. Do not regret what you have done.
Rather than looking at this as never having remorse, I view this as meaning never do something you will regret. In other words, always act with respect of yourself and others.

8. Never let yourself be saddened by a separation.
Sometimes you'll have to be away from those you love. If you have made sure to express your love during the times together, you'll have no need for sadness when you are apart.

9. Resentment and complaint are appropriate neither for oneself nor others.
Resentment is a relationship killer. Speak up and don't resent. Complaints are just issues looking for you to attach a request to them.

15. Do not act following customary beliefs.
Too often people are misled in relationship to believe the "fairy-tale." There is no "perfect" person, nor "happily ever after" there is always chosing health in each interaction to bring you closer.

Do you fall into any of these problems? Do you follow any of these precepts already?

I regularly tell my clients I take myself lightly and the fact they are in my office seriously (#4). I work hard on respect in all interactions, both in my head and in my actions/words (#6.) Yes, it is real work. I have found requests (#9) work sooooo much better than complaints with my husband (and others.) I regularly have to confront my habit of following unwritten beliefs (#15.) I really have to work on not having an attachment to another person's choices (#5) and I also struggle with waiting until I have calmed to talk about a feeling (#3).

Your courageous work is to take at least one of these precepts and start to practice it. Which one do you need most to pursue? Which one will most help your health and that of your relationships? Begin with that one.