I won again! You can too in your relationship.

Well, I've completed the NaNo challenge this year and won. And I did it a day early which is nice to say.

For those of you who didn't read my previous post about NaNo, it is a one month challenge to write a 50,000 word novel. You start writing on the first day and have to be done with 50K by the end of the 30th. There are no prizes, except for the cool picture here on this post and a certificate to print out, but it isn't about prizes. It is meant to be a motivating challenge.

Now that I'm done I've given some thought to what I learned this year, and I have some remarks about relationships. (When don't I?)

1. My first lesson,
and one that is very difficult for me, was that I have to just write, and not try to do it perfectly. If I had spent the month editing, rewriting, going back and over-thinking my word choices and plot, I'd never have made 50K. Grammar and spelling come in the later editing.

The same goes for your relationship. Sometimes you just have to do the healthy things even if you aren't sure you'll do them perfectly. Actually, it is a given that you won't do them perfectly the first (or second or fifth) time. This is an ongoing process, but you have to do it.

2. Second, I had to set aside time to write. I had to make it a priority and a habit if I was going to average 1667 words a day. If it was important to me, I had to make it work. I did.

You have to set aside time to focus on your relationship each day. I'm not saying hours, but it is important to take a relationship pulse each day to see how things feel and are going. This may mean a quick talk with your partner, a review of the last few days or week, or a real serious look at your own behaviors. Make it a habit.

3. Lastly, I needed to be clear with those around me what I was doing and how they could help me. Thanksgiving fell during this writing frenzy, and I asked my family to allow me down time to write. They were happy to do so. My mom even encouraged me. "I want you to write," she'd say when I asked if there was anything I could do. The support of my husband, family, and friends helped me get through the month with all the hair on my head.

In your relationship, you need to enlist help. Not only the assistance of your partner which is paramount, but the help of those around you. If you have a friend or family member who does things that cause strife in your relationship, then you need to ask your friend/family to stop. You need to move your bubble. You need to speak up and ask for help.

You see, writing a novel is way easier than being in a relationship, even writing a novel in a month; however, many of the tools and lessons translate over.

Your courageous work is to allow yourself to practice the healthy skills without expecting perfection, to check your relational pulse daily, and to enlist help to continue the work. Speak up, listen, talk, and move forward.

May the story you write with your partner be powerful, moving, beautiful, and filled with love.