Lessons in Loss

Today is the anniversary of the death of my father. It is a strange, because I am surprisingly okay. I have my own private beliefs about death and a strong sense of spirituality and religion which probably help, but what helps most are my memories. I'm really lucky to have good memories of my Dad, and I'd like to share a few here.

I remember hiking through the NC mountains with my father and brother to find the perfect trout streams. This involved getting up at 4am and driving into the mountains to be there when the sun rose. We packed tuna sandwiches which I carried and often promptly squished. (Hey, I was 9!) I also "fell" into the streams rather early on most days so I didn't have to be carried across the deeper ones. Dad grumbled at my "accidents" but I think he knew.

When I went 6 hours away to college, my father drove up on multiple weekends that first year to bring me home for the weekend. It meant getting in the car for 12 hour round trips, but he did it even without me asking. I think he did it because he wanted me to come home.

After my wedding we all played softball (yep, and it was great!) My father, a wonderful sports enthusiast, got up and hit some slams into the way outfield. I got to run for him. He had a blast.

I also remember him tearing up when we stood in the back of the church that morning- only one of three times I remember seeing him cry.

At holidays my father was the storyteller. He'd regale all of us and anyone new with stories from his life: the cars he'd owned, hunting and fishing tales, the dogs in his life, and his college jobs. He had his favorites and we all loved to hear them told. Luckily, a few years before he died we gave him a journal to record his stories- he did, and Mom still has it.

As I type, I realize the things I remember most about Dad are the good times. All the things that were difficult and earth-shattering at the time I seem to have forgotten. Maybe not forgotten, but they aren't so important anymore.

I gained much from my father: a love of family, interest in playing sports, wonder about nature, enjoyment in birds, a strong work ethic, the ability to drive long distances, and a fondness for reminiscent stories. I'm sure there's so much more.

Loss has taught me my real lesson- wonder, love, caring and connection live on while the other things fade away.

I hope love and wonder stay with you folks even after loss, too.


image from zevotron on Flickr