It's the little things that really matter

I honestly see with my clients (and in my own marriage) it's the little things that matter in a relationship.

When it is all said and done, if there aren't a multitude of small moments when one person gives to their partner, the relationship is in major trouble.

What do I mean by little things?

One may be him making an effort to listen and biting his lip when he wants to tell her what to do.

It may not seem like a huge event, but it creates a moment of caring rather than a fight. That choice leads to connection not a disconnect.

It's like the time when she refrains from asking him repeatedly to do something he already agreed to do.

How is that important? When she holds back she is treating him like the adult he is and respecting his word. It makes for task completion rather than avoidance or resentment.

The little thing may be him remembering she likes chocolate rather than vanilla ice cream when he's picking up groceries.

This may seem insignificant, but it shows her she matters and he cares enough to remember even a little thing. This thoughtful gesture links the two in a moment of intimacy.

The small gesture she makes may be her remembering his mother's favorite color when they are choosing a birthday gift.

He then sees she keeps his family in mind. He knows she is able to support him when he needs to deal with family issues and connections. They are a team rather than merely individuals standing next to one another.

Why do I say a relationship is in trouble without these little things?

Because it is these small moments of caring that feed and water your relationship. It is these choices that show how much you care or are cared for. In the small second it takes to remember something or do something nice, you convey the whole of your attitude toward your partner and the relationship.

It may sound corny, but the little things make the relationship bigger.

What are some little things you do for your partner to create intimacy, connection and a healthier relationship?


Today's work: What are the little things you can start doing to make your relationship better? What things are you doing that you need to continue to do? What small things is your partner doing that you can recognize and appreciate? Remember, it is with the little daily interactions that you build a larger meaning; make them considerate and worthwhile.


By the way, I found those shark's teeth, and they are that small!