Traffic, traffic, traffic.... and you

Yesterday while I was driving to my office, I was talking to a friend (via handsfree cell phone of course!) about traffic, other drivers, and what works. I decided traffic concepts hold true for relationships.

So, how do traffic and driving relate to relationships?

Good traffic flow happens when everyone is respectful. For example, merging (a very hot topic: http://tinyurl.com/d66d8e) is a chance for both people to be polite. Studies have actually shown merging works best like a "zipper" where each car takes a turn and fits into a gap.

Have you ever actually seen this? (It's rarer than a yeti)

What it means is traffic moves best if people are polite to one another- the merger and the main-road driver. Even with an on-ramp, the person coming on looks for a space and merges at speed. If you are on the road and see someone coming on, and you can safely move over; that also helps traffic flow.

Where does this fall apart?

When you get caught up in being right rather than focusing on the long term goal (which is safely getting where you want to be.) People get so caught up in their "right way" they even do dangerous things- like run people off the road, make others brake, cut people off, tailgate. Even if you don't do any of these things, do you fume and let it ruin your drive? Needless to say, this focus on "my way or the highway" (pun intended) isn't healthy for you or your drive.

So, what does this have to do with relationships?

Disrespect and insisting you are right both cause traffic jams in your relationship. If you "dis" your partner, you cause hurt, resentment, anger, and ultimately failure in your relationship. This is easy to understand. To take the metaphor one step further- you both also need to take turns (sharing and listening) so that communication will flow.

What about being right?

Just like the person who insists they are right on the road (and cause accidents) when you lord over your partner your claim of "truth" you create a disconnect between you (a crash, if you will.) Honestly, you both have your truth, your understanding of something, your experiences; that is human and normal. When you maintain that your truth is the only truth- then you kill true intimacy and rapport. Actually, recognizing your partner's right to have their own opinion is another form of respect.

What can you learn from traffic?

Acting respectful of your partner will keep your relationship from being wrecked.

What can your driving learn from relationships?

Respect on the road makes everything flow better and gets everyone to their destination safely. (Sounds like a commercial sound bite, doesn't it?)

Today's courageous work: Do you fall into the trap of having to be right? Are you disrespectful to yourself or your partner? Do you forget to take turns in communication? (This includes you not taking a turn at all.) If you do any of these things, pull back, correct, and reconnect.

As for driving, practice courtesy (which doesn't always seem to be so common.)

Please comment below!