Ambulances and Standing on the Ground

The first step in a rewarding relationship is to know, respect and care for yourself.

Do you really know yourself? Do you like and respect yourself?

I am talking about healthy self esteem. You must learn to stand with feet firmly planted on the ground centered in yourself. Healthy self esteem comes from inside, it is the realization you have inherent worth just because you are alive. You can neither lessen nor increase this worth, it just is, and it is the same as every other human being.

It has nothing to do with belongings, behaviors, abilities, or what others think of you; it just is.

This step is one of the hardest things I walk my clients through. You have been taught for years that esteem comes from external sources. You are pushed to compete, to be better than others at things, to attain material things. The house you own, the car you drive, the job you have are all forms of external esteem.

These external esteems do not change self esteem. Did you know that?

There are multiple forms of external esteem. What others think about you is "other esteem". The things you can do such as parenting, athletics, skills, and work are called "ability esteem". Lastly, there is "behavior esteem" which has to do with your actions, what you have done. These are all type of esteem, but they are not self esteem; they have nothing to do with your inherent worth.

"Wait!" I hear you cry, "don't these things matter?"

To answer, let me present a metaphor: think of emergency medical technicians (EMTs). When EMTs come to the site of an accident on the road, they don’t approach the victims and ask, “What do you do for work?” or “Are you nice to your kids?” or “Do others like you?” They look at each person as equal and triage for need only. They treat everyone as having the same inherent worth. That is the model for healthy self esteem.

Think of self esteem as the surface of the ground. You stand firmly on it and can move in any direction. It is solid and firm and it doesn’t change. This horizontal line is where healthy self esteem resides.

Today's challenge: identify how you view yourself. Challenge yourself when you imagine you are somehow a lesser or better person than someone else. Realize you might have differences in externals, but the internals are all worth the same. You'll find you are more centered.

(Don't you love the old ambulance picture?!)


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