Creating a fulfilling and rich life!

Mindfulness is the current buzzword, and I’ve been thinking about it today.

The word mind-ful-ness reminds me of richness and completeness. Its opposite is mind-less-ness; an emptiness or deficiency. These definitions gave me an idea why mindfulness is so “popular” right now; people are responding to a disconnect or emptiness.

Mindlessness often comes because we have packed our lives with so many empty things and activities. Notwithstanding any number of people to see and "things to do" my clients say they do not feel fulfilled. They feel empty. Mindless hurry is designed to fill the emptiness left by not having a connection to ourselves or others, but it can’t.

Mindfulness is the true cure for emptiness.

Mindfulness allows you to create a real relationship with yourself, with others, and with the world around you. When you're in the moment, and you are paying attention, that is when you can make an authentic connection and fill the emptiness. This is why it helps you fill the hole in your relationships, too.

People often struggle with one of two common stumbling blocks when trying to be mindful. They either want to be “productive” or feel the need to judge in the process of being mindful. Both of these habits are anti-mindful; what is needed is passive concentration.

We learn from an early age doing something is applauded; therefore, it's very difficult for us to stop doing. When I ask someone to sit and pay attention to their breathing, they often ask me what they're supposed to do or make happen. They struggle with the concept just being mindful is doing something. And it is enough.

The second problem people have is the tendency to judge themselves or the things they are observing. When someone is being mindful of their emotions they will often make a judgment about them. Or they may be judgmental about what someone else is saying or feeling. Mindfulness is about observing in the now without judgment; being judgmental takes you out of the now.

When you begin to practice mindfulness, watch out for these two pitfalls. Instead practice passive concentration. Unlike active concentration where you're trying to make something happen (such as during learning or an activity) passive concentration is about just paying attention.

I first heard about passive concentration when I learned about autogenic training, a form of relaxation. While doing autogenic training, you gently focus your attention on one area of the body at a time. You are not trying to make the body part relax, just pay attention to it without trying to do anything. Believe it or not this is difficult to do at first, but it becomes easier with time, and you do relax.

(Interestingly enough research has found the focus of attention upon a body part actually will relax it. Maybe people react the same way, relax under attention.)

So as you begin to practice mindfulness, remain passively attentive. You'll find mindfulness much more useful and pleasant. As you put yourself in the moment being mindful with your partner you'll also find your relationship improves.

This week, practice mindfulness with yourself and those you love. When talking to someone, make a conscious effort to bring your mind back when it wanders. Note anything that strikes you in the moment, but stay in the moment.

May you create a rich and ful-fill-ing life.